Sunday, December 08, 2013

Nostalgia Theater: Defrosting Mattel's Demolition Man Action Figures

One of my favorite sidelights here in Nostalgia Theater is looking back at children's toylines based on entirely inappropriate, R-rated subject matter. One assortment that's entirely forgotten is Demolition Man. For those who don't have the displeasure of remembering the film from its fall '93 release, it stars Sylvester Stallone and Wesley Snipes as, respectively, a cop and a criminal from the late 20th century who are put on ice (literally) for thirty years, after which they resume their rivalry in the utopian future world of "San Angeles." Here's the trailer:

Now, given that this was the early '90s, when pretty much every big movie that was even remotely "toyetic" got the ol' action figure treatment, it's no surprise that Demolition Man got its turn. What's slightly more surprising is that, instead of usual suspect Kenner, the license for these things was picked up by rival toymaker Mattel (which, true to form, repurposed parts from its short-lived He-Man revival from the early '90s). And thus, in the very best tradition of inappropriate movies becoming inappropriate toys, just in time for the holiday season, they turned this...

...into this.

Perfect! Merry Christmas, little Johnny! I had no idea, but Mattel managed to churn out a whole assortment of these crappy things, most of which were just variations of Stallone's John Spartan character (Battle Baton Spartan! Bazooka Attack Spartan! Combat Cannon Spartan!). Needless to say, the Demolition Man action figures didn't really take off. I maintain to this day that it's because the Wesley Snipes figure didn't come with some kind of action feature where kids could kick his head off like in the movie Ah well. Missed opportunities.

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